At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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