I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
