I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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