How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
