New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
