Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
