Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
