he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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