Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
