dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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