There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
