remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
