I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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