i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
