i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize