hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
