he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
