you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
