you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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