You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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