did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize