I want to walk on stilts...naked
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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