OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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