They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Screwed.edu
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
