I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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