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he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
