everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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