Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
