I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
