He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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