sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
