I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
