i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
