can u get pink eye on your cock?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
