the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
