could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
