And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
