I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
