If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
