i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
