I'm gonna have a badass scar
id be glad to
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
