remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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