WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
