Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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