I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
