you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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