one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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