If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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