I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
