I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
