I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
