Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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