There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
