I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
