and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
