Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
