I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
