I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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