Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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