In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
