The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
