I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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