May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
