When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
