Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
