the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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