32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
