I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
