so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
